September was a busy month for us....
School started for all boys ~ With this new season in my life, came new challenges ... (Driving way more than I want to or have in the past, having 3 hours daily to myself without children)
I had not imagined that I would have this time in my life with no children(even if it's only for 3 hours daily).... I somehow imagined I would send Michael off to school, but have a daughter in hand that would be with me to send him off together....but, it hasn't worked out that way, so I am trying to do all the things I have not been able to do in my life since I've had children.... these are things that for some reason, I just didn't do because it seemed like too much work to do it with kids....
I started running... ALONE :) So far, I've worked up to about 35-40 minutes of nonstop running :) and I really enjoy it... , I should say, I enjoy the feeling AFTERWARDS. Exercise has been part of most of my life so when children started coming into the picture, I started doing exercise videos and dvds....that has been my life for the past 9 years... I have quite a collection now and pretty much have all of them memorized....but since I don't HAVE to do them at home anymore, I thought I'd start running.... see if I like it. In high school, I did cross country and it was the only sport I was actually somewhat good at :) but I had been out of practice... Also your muscles and joints don't seem to cooperate as well as you age :) Anyways, the weather here in Bend is brutal in the winter so I don't know if I can keep up the running outdoors, but for now, it's getting me out int he fresh air.
I am contemplating volunteering at our local Crisis Pregnancy Center. I am still praying about it, but I'd love to counsel and pray with those faced with an unexpected pregnancy.
I've been volunteering at the school way more than I did when the older two started school. I've been a driver on every field trip our children have had so far. It really is a strange feeling to actually be AVAILABLE to do these things without getting a babysitter.
I've gone into clothing stores and actually TRIED ON clothes at the STORE! I've always just looked at the size of clothes, hoping it fits, and then returning it if it doesn't....
I've gone to appointments (eye exam, dental appt, brow wax) without my children being with me.... I've gone to grocery stores without children... I pass by moms with small children.... one or two in her cart and the frazzled look she has and think... "I wonder if she looks at me and wonders if I have any children?" or "She is so blessed to not have to bring children to the grocery store"... I find myself chuckling because I have been there and wondered those same things.
I still have this emptiness inside ~ I really don't WANT to be the mom that has extra time.... it's so funny to hear myself say that because when you are so consumed with day to day life with small children, that's all you think about sometimes.... wanting peace and quiet and some "alone" time. I think maybe it's just God keeping an open place in my heart for Selah and any other children He would want to bring into our life.
For the moment, life is good and I am really beginning to enjoy it rather than wish it away, hoping for the day when Selah comes. More than life being good, God is good. He really is no matter what I'm feeling. I need to remember that more often.
ENJOY the pictures!
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Karmen
Jessica